Still Evil? 0:2

Why can’t I wake up?…
Then I decided to call My Wife to let her know what had happened. Because other than the fact that she might want to know, her father was the insurance holder on the car. When I told her what had happened, she was concerned about the car and that seemed to be it. I then lost my temper and began to start yelling incoherently on the phone, till I would pass out….

Did I?

The paramedic would talk to My Wife telling her that I was going to go to the hospital. I regain consciousness, to hear another ambulance asking what hospital to take both the Asian man and I. I then yelled send us to the same one I going to Fuck him up! So they opted to take us to different hospitals.

What is going on flashing lights?
I was in a state on being sleep and awake. Nothing was right. My neck was sore and heavy, the head was spinning. When I got the hospital My best friend from college and My Wife was waiting for me. I told the nurse that I would see my friend but not My Wife.

I was pissed about what she said on the phone. My friend convinced me to let her come back. She was pissed because of the fact that I didn’t let her back there first. I was pissed because of the fact that I was supposed to be dead. You see it began to set in. The fact that I didn’t have a scratch on me. Just a sore neck and a wicked headache.

is that it happen?…
I was released from the hospital later that day. I was put on a bunch of pain killers that you’re never to mix. But for whatever reason, it was the only way I was not in so much pain. It was a week after the accident, My wife began to nag me about something. I think it was bills or money or both. How this accident was going to ruin us because we had to get a new car. Then it happened.

I was choking her. I was in a rage like I had never felt in my life. I had no control over my body. All I wanted was her to SHUT THE FUCK UP. I didn’t care how, just that I needed to have it happen now. As she turned blue my son tried to pull us apart. I let her go.

I could not believe what I had just done. She sat in the corner of the room crying, with my son hugging her. He was telling her that it was going to be ok. I instantly felt remorse for what I had done. I also had no idea why I did it. Did it just happen? Am I dreaming? No, the tears were real. This was happening right now. But why?
I would call the doctor in the morning. He wanted me to come in for an exam. He would discover that was suffering from PTSD. He then would prescribe me medication to deal with my anger. Also, I would notice memory loss. As in I would have conversations or be told about things only to forget them moments later. This did not help me with my marriage at all. It only caused more arguments.
The car accident seems to put my suspicions on hold about my wife seeing someone else. But then I started feeling that way again when I would go visit her at work and I noticed a co-worker being very chummy with her.

Sitting behind her desk and surfing the web on her computer when he had his own office. Always stopping in mid-conversation when I would walk into the room. I was always welcomed with awkward silence. Then he would be excusing himself when I came in. Then she would treat me like she didn’t want me to be there. As if I was a burden for showing up and all she wanted was for me to leave.

I couldn’t blame her for what I did. The fact that she stayed with me after I should have felt like she had done me a favor. But it felt like she was getting some kind of revenge by treating me like shit. There was no sign that it was going to come to an end.

I don’t want to see this part…
We went through a period of three months where she treated me like shit. We barely hugged or kissed, hell we didn’t have sex. I started to feel like there was nothing else to us. Maybe it was easier to think that there was someone else and say there was than thinking about what I did. She would always say there wasn’t. In fact, she went as far as to say I was making it up in my head. Which would not be too far of a stretch considering the way my head was.

At the same time, what man wouldn’t assume this is in my position. I guess It was own insecurities getting the best of me. At the same time, there has to be a breaking point. I would find mine. It had been months of shit talking and no end in sight. I was nothing more than a glorified roommate that was babysitting my son.

I kept seeing her and this co-worker hanging out. I guess she was tired of holding on to our arguments alone so she told him about it. He began to act even shadier when I came around. So I finally got up the courage to what I was dreading. I said I wanted a divorce.
She seemed angry that I asked. She then followed it with “whatever you always say some dramatic shit.” I then told her “I mean it.” I began to pack my things. But got cut short because I had to work. When I came home she was waiting for me with a bottle of wine. We would drink the bottle yell and curse at each other. Then we would have sex…

No way…