Going through the Evil Motions. 0:5

Is this going somewhere?

I just watched him speed walk away. I was dumbfounded. I was in shock. Was that an omission? Was I holding his child? What the hell. I slowly walked upstairs to my apartment. Took the baby out of her car seat. And held her in front of me. Examining her every detail. From her smile, her hair, and even her eyes. I felt the salty tears running down my face. I placed her down on her blanket so she could play. I curled up on the couch. Numb.

Wash, Rinse, Dry and Repeat.

I wait till she comes home. All day my pulse had been racing. What have I gotten myself into? Why didn’t I leave when I wanted too? Why did I stay when I got the STD? Where did it come from? Why wasn’t I more firm when I thought something was going on? Why was so dumb?! Then it came to me that this guy already had like 4 kids from different women. I guess not everyone had the same thoughts about staying with kids.

No most people would be smart enough to leave.

When she came home I was quiet. I wasn’t sure how to say anything. It didn’t take long to say “Whats wrong with you now?” So I said I saw your coworker today. Did he mention that? “No why?” I said “I was holding the baby saying how she had blue eyes like his.” “Oh my God!” “Let it go!” She exclaimed. “You are acting like you don’t want this baby!”

Was she right?

I blurted out “I want a paternity test.” She had an amazed and glazed over look in her eye when the words left my mouth. My God it was like slow motion. She could not even keep eye contact. This moment lasted forever. She said “Its a waste of money. She’s yours.” “Peace of mind is worth any price.” I said.

Let’s turn that blade.

“We don’t have the money right now.” She said. “What? Are you Fucking serious?” I yelled.  “Yeah that is to much right now.” She said quietly. She was not wrong with the mounting bills. Plus the fact we were trying to buy a house. “Besides your her father.” is what she slide out of her mouth as she walked into the other room.

You wanted kids. Your Ex didn’t. You fucked up.